THE ROCKWOOD FILES : Celebrating independence isn’t just a July 4 thing
Posted on Sunday, June 29, 2008
URL: http://www.nwanews.com/nwat/Living/66724/
In the days leading up to the Fourth of July, I conducted an in-home
- pendence. The results were unexpected, which goes to show that no matter how smart we parents think we are, we can still learn a thing or two from the kids we’re in charge of teaching. My basic premise was this: Humans are creatures of comfort. We’re driven by that famous “ pleasure / pain principle. ” Seek pleasure; avoid pain. We typically follow the path of least resistance. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since this instinct has led to innovations including the remote control and a network of wide open freeways. Though the “ path of least resistance” theory holds true in many situations, there is one thing that trumps it almost every time — the need for independence. The human struggle for independence is nearly as instinctual as breathing. When my kids were babies, I watched as they wriggled and fought to learn how to flip themselves over from tummy to back. It was hard not to reach out and help them, but the parenting books said it’s important to let them work it out for themselves. It’s that first step toward mobility — a crucial element of independence.
Our third child is now a year and a half old and very, very mobile. Lately she has taken the fight for freedom to the dinner table where she grabs for the fork and spoon. If my “ path of least resistance” theory was always true, my daughter would sit there, open her mouth and take what I feed her. But she doesn’t, which is why I get to clean Spaghetti-Os out of her hair and applesauce off the floor. When she controls the utensils, very little of the food makes it into her mouth, but she’d rather go hungry than forfeit independence.
Her 4-year-old brother is hungry for freedom, too — fashion freedom. For the past several months he has insisted on picking out his own clothes and shoes, which is why he often wears a long-sleeved Shrek T-shirt with red shorts and blue dinosaur rain boots, no matter where we’re going and what we’re doing. I have learned the hard way to pick my battles, so this is not typically one I fight unless we’re headed to church. (I draw the line at dinosaur boots tromping loudly down the center aisle toward children’s church. )
Since Jack is particularly sensitive about shoe choices, he’s quick to pick out a pair and put them on by himself, an effort I applaud and appreciate. About seven out of 10 times, however, he ends up with his shoes on the wrong feet. When I notice the awkward shoe directions, I say something like “ Jack, your shoes are on the wrong feet. Why don’t you take them off, and I’ll help you get them back on the right feet ?”
This completely logical yet independence-threatening suggestion is usually met with this response: “ No, Mom. I put them on by myself, and I like these boots on the wrong feet. They just make my feet happy. ”
How in the heck am I supposed to argue with the “ happy feet” defense ? So I shrug my shoulders and figure that if protecting his independent act is more important than shoe comfort, well that’s his call to make. I’m sure at least a dozen fellow shoppers at Wal-Mart have noticed the backward dinosaur boots and wondered why the poor kid’s mother didn’t correct the situation, let alone get that stray Spaghetti-O out of her toddler’s hair. To them I say this (with American flag waving in the background ): “ It’s about freedom, people. This is the U. S. of A. and if my kids want to assert their independence by wearing pasta as hair accessories or backward boots, then so be it. And God Bless America. ”
Here’s hoping you and your family have a safe, fun Fourth of July. And to all the soldiers, veterans and their families, thank you for your service and your sacrifice. God bless.
Gwen Rockwood is a regionally syndicated freelance columnist. Send comments to her at rockwoodfiles @ cox. net or write to her in care of this newspaper. Archives of The Rockwood Files can be found at www. nwaMotherlode. com.