Former gambler fights addiction, finds brighter future
Posted on Wednesday, October 8, 2008
URL: http://www.nwanews.com/bvwv/Health/7191/
Editor’s note: The name of the woman interviewed for this story has been changed to protect her privacy.
Compulsive gambling is not a financial problem; it is an emotional problem, according to a Gamblers Anonymous publication.
While gambling creates financial hardships, and can lead to legal problems and even prison, the emotional issues — loss of self-esteem, family and friends — are the most devastating, according to GA. Character change, which is necessary to quit gambling, is difficult and time-consuming.
There are many similarities between Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. Both programs offer 12 steps to recovery and support meetings.
The desire to quit gambling is the only requirement for someone attending a GA meeting.
Sarah said gambling was a huge problem for her.
“ It is overpowering, and I was totally controlled by it. You sneak, you lie, you cheat.
“ You have no self-worth; you’ll look someone straight in the eye and lie and cheat. Addiction is addiction, whether it’s shopping or being a workaholic — it’s all the same. ”
Sarah seeks help through support of others like her. She attends AA meetings when there are not enough GA members to conduct their own meeting.
She said her parents had penny-ante poker games and loved bingo, but it was no big deal. She isn’t sure where her compulsion came from.
Her game of choice was three-card poker, where a player can win a lot of money fast — and lose just as quickly.
She would spend all day at a casino, drinking alcohol the entire time, and felt she couldn’t leave. Her husband tried to help.
“ He asked me to quit, begged me, threatened me. ”
She could not stop.
“ It consumes you. ”
Sarah recalled one time she had been gambling and drinking all day. She was supposed to get dinner on the way home, she said.
“ I didn’t have a nickel, so I couldn’t get the sandwiches, and I was late. There was a beer can in the car, and I was thinking I gotta get rid of the beer can. ”
She stopped to dispose of the container, but the car must not have been in park, because it rolled away and hit a fence. Sarah fell and hurt herself, as well.
“ I was remorseful. No matter how horrible I felt, though, you rationalize it, justify it. ”
Her compulsion did not become overwhelming until she had raised her two sons and they were out of the house.
Her spiral downward was gradual.
“ It grew, even unbeknownst to me, until you’re in so deep. ”
Her husband had always been generous, she said. “ He had no idea (how often ) I was going, how much I was spending. ”
He finally left her for four days, and her sons gave ultimatums as well.
“ If I go (gambling ) again, I know the consequences — my 45-year-old marriage, my family and my granddaughter. ”
Sarah decided she couldn’t stop without help and sought counseling with a psychiatrist in Missouri.
The therapy sessions helped her understand her need for excitement and the attraction of the sounds of a casino — bells from a slot payoff and the energized feelings they evoke. But counseling wasn’t enough, and eventually she found GA and AA.
Sarah hasn’t gambled for seven months, but the urge is still strong, she said.
“ I have all my money taken away, ” Sarah said. Her paycheck is directly deposited into her husband’s account so she will not be tempted to return to the casino. He gives her a signed check for grocery shopping, made out to the store, and she brings the receipt back to prove she didn’t get additional cash.
Sarah is now able to handle having $ 20 to $ 40 to have her hair styled or have lunch with friends, money her husband gives her before she leaves the house.
Even though Sarah never gambled online, she and her husband do not have a computer. She doesn’t want to be tempted, she said.
“ I don’t even know how it (online gambling ) works. But I know they have fantasy golf and basketball. I would definitely be tempted. ”
Sarah is able to drink socially and likes to have a cold beer or two after golf. As long as she’s not in a casino, alcohol is not a problem, she said.
“ I have to credit GA and AA. You have to have something to hold on to. I wouldn’t be married, live in this gorgeous house. ”
Gamblers Anonymous began in 1957 with the belief that gambling is a
“ When I help others, oh, man, do I help myself, ” Sarah said. “ You’ve got to break the pattern. ”
Spiritual belief, faith in a power greater than one’s self, is considered necessary
Personality characteristics of compulsive gamblers are an inability to accept reality, emotional insecurity and immaturity.
The dream world of gambling creates an emotionally comfortable place for the gambler, GA states. The gambler desires all the rewards without effort and frequently fantasizes about what they would do with all their winnings.
They often see themselves as charming and generous toward others.
The explosion of casinos in Oklahoma and Missouri has Sarah concerned. One of the reasons she and her husband liked this area was because, when they moved here, the nearest casino was at least a 50-minute drive.
“ There are more casinos in the state of Oklahoma than in Las Vegas. There’s going to be more and more problems, ” she said.
“ The casino is the loneliest place in the world; (they ) are built on losers, not on winners. Gambling causes death, suicide. ”
Sarah said she recognizes the changes she has been through.
“ I can look in the mirror now. I used to not be able to. I didn’t like that person before, and now I think she’s OK. ”
Because of a lack of members, local meetings are held sporadically.
But anyone interested in Gamblers Anonymous can call Jewell at 876-5867 or Tom at 855-1596. They are available to talk or meet with anyone who needs help with a gambling problem.