WHAT’S IN A DAME : Forbes’ Hollywood top tot list not so ‘hot’
Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2008
During uncertain and unsettling times, it’s comforting to know we can turn to a trusted source that has its priorities in order.
The Forbes Web site, Forbes. com.
The site that bills itself as the “Home Page for the World’s Business Leaders” is on the case, providing us with vital information on the markets and personal finance with up-to-theminute, relevant articles. Like “How to Keep Tabs on Any Business.” And “Recession Bites Europe.” And “Hollywood’s 10 Hottest Tots.”
Yes. Hottest. Tots.
This is what the editors and writers of Forbes have been reduced to covering because there’s barely an economy to discuss anymore — the babe factor of babies ?
No. Of course not. Because that would be seriously sick.
The writers of Forbes are not ranking the attractiveness of Hollywood’s pullup-pantsed population. They’re just rating their popularity. So it’s just a little sick.
Why this emphasis on renowned rugrats ? Because seeing overindulged innocents — those whose onesies cost more than our mortgages, assuming we still have homes — is supposed to make us happy. Says the story: “In a sinking economy, expect to see more of the children of the stars.... With a growing need to generate magazine sales and Web traffic in a softening economy, media outlets are increasingly turning to stars that are both much-loved and highly reliable.”
In Touch editor Richard Spencer was quoted as saying: “People want to sort of turn their brain off and escape to things that make them feel good.”
Who cares that our 401 (k ) s probably (we wouldn’t know — we’re too petrified to peek ) have negative balances at this point ? Aren’t Gwyneth Paltrow’s offspring adorable ?
Exactly what criteria did Forbes consider when judging the influence of the sippy-cup set ? Tenacity of tantrums ? Proficiency of play-dating ? Potency of power napping ?
“To determine which tykes were tops, we looked at both press clippings and Web presence for more than 50 Alist kiddies (5 years old and younger ) over the course of a year. Then, with a whittled down list, we reached out to Los Angeles-based polling firm E-Poll Market Research for both awareness data for the kids and consumer appeal rankings for their celebrity parents.”
Topping the list of preeminent moppets is Suri Cruise, the daughter of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Explains Forbes: “America’s most recognized celebrity cherub, Suri Cruise played the press with intelligence since she was presented to the world on the cover of Vanity Fair.” Played the press with intelligence ? As a newborn ? At age 2 ? On second thought, she certainly seems to have manipulated you, Forbes.
The rest of the list: 2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt; 3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt; 4. Pax Jolie-Pitt; 5. Sam Alexis Woods (daughter of golf ace Tiger Woods ); 6. Cruz Beckham (son of soccer star David Beckham and former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham ); 7. Matilda Rose Ledger (daughter of actress Michelle Williams and the late Heath Ledger ); 8. David Banda (Madonna’s adopted son from Malawi ); 9. Sean Preston Federline (son of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline ), and 10. Sam Sheen (daughter of Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Denise Richards ).
Relations are sure to be strained at the Jolie-P itt household with Shiloh bragging — in 2-year-old broken sentences — to Zahara and Pax how she’s all that and a bag of diapers. Well, at least until her younger twin siblings Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline inevitably beat her out next year. We just hope Shiloh is careful boasting around brother Maddox — after all, Angelina Jolie recently told W magazine that she buys knives for her son, who, at age 7, was too old to make the list’s cut (no pun intended ).
And things aren’t going to be pretty at SoCal playgrounds and locations of Chuck E. Cheese’s and Gymboree (hmmm, these are celebrity babies, better make that Mr. Chow and Gucci ) when other famous kiddos learn they were overlooked.
We hear that since being left off the list, youngsters Violet Affleck, Jayden James Federline, Dannielynn Birkhead and Jennifer Lopez’s twins have been drooling, spitting up and crying ! Baby me, e-mail: jchristman@arkansasonline. com What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ’hood.
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