THE TV COLUMN : Larry the Cable Guy gets in Christmas spirit again
Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008
It always takes me a bit longer than the TV commercials would like to get in the holiday spirit.
By “holiday” I mean both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
There’s just something fundamentally wrong with Christmas TV commercials in October. Snowmen and festive lights fall flat when it’s still 79 degrees outside and the first load of leaves is still on the trees.
I have a theory.
It seems to me that in the “good ol’ days” the Christmas TV specials came within sight of, well, Christmas and not the first week of November. Sadly, the days of one’s youth were always the good ol’ days, which means these days will someday be somebody’s good ol’ days.
Back in the day, nothing got you in the mood for the season better than the annual Andy Williams Christmas Show.
That’s right, children. Gather ’round. The show was highly anticipated back in the 1970 s — the heyday of holiday variety specials.
Seriously, Andy gave us the Osmonds. I suppose we should thank him for that.
The special was all holly and garlands and roaring fires and hot cocoa. Andy’s singing brothers (Dick, Don, Bob ) would join in and they’d roll out their parents. It was all cozy and warm.
The best was when Andy’s French-born leggy wife, Claudine Longet, would come out all doe-eyed, and everybody would snuggle up and croon “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” “ Silver Bells, ” and more.
Andy and Claudine were the perfect show-biz couple. Until they weren’t. But that’s another story.
The point is, they don’t make old-fashioned Christmas TV specials like they used to and America is the poorer for it. What this country needs is someone to step up and fill the void left by Andy Williams, whom we now have to make the pilgrimage to Branson to see.
Fortunately, our hero has arisen. It’s Larry the Cable Guy to the rescue.
Larry (real name Daniel Lawrence Whitney ) has gone beyond the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and such memorable films as Witless Protection and Delta Farce to bring us his second Christmas special. The 90-minute Larry the Cable Guy’s Star Studded Christmas Extravaganza explodes on your screen at 8 p. m. Friday on CMT. You might want to record it for posterity.
CMT says the special is “designed to be a throwback to the old-school holiday variety show.” Thank you, Andy.
Mr. Guy’s special guests will include (via pre-taped segments ) Toby Keith, Terry Bradshaw, Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Lewis Black and Blake Shelton.
Those are the big-name stars. For the live guests, we dial back the star power a notch or two.
Appearing in sketches will be former Dawn frontman Tony Orlando, former singer Joey Fatone, ventriloquist Terry Fator, comedian Victoria Jackson, Jennifer Aspen from Rodney, Nadine Velazquez from My Name Is Earl, Ross “The Intern” Mathews from the Tonight Show, and Angela Little MacKenzie (she was “Bikini Girl” in the “Raging Waters” episode of The Mullets ).
Singing songs will be Montgomery Gentry, Rodney Atkins and Emily West. I assume some of it will have a Christmas theme.
For those who caught Larry’s recent “Eat, Drink and Be Larry” show at Alltel Arena, rest assured the TV special won’t echo his blue-tinged live stand-up routines. Our reviewer covered the concert by saying, “While Larry’s humor scrapes bottom, at times going miles beyond vulgar and all bounds of propriety, people laugh because he addresses topics they’d normally shy away from.”
No, this will be a Christmas special that one day, perhaps 30 or 40 years hence, your children will look back, sigh, and say, “Remember that special, special Christmas when Larry the Cable Guy did that funny sketch with Tony Orlando and Joey Fatone ?”
If you forget to record it, CMT has the special scheduled 18 more times. Seriously. I does. I does. As long as you’re in the mood, CMT will air the eighth and final episode of My Big Redneck Wedding at 8 p. m. Saturday.
This episode features Shawna and Vince as they finally decide to tie the knot after four years (and one kid ) and hold the ceremony at an off-road vehicle park complete with four-wheelers and dirt bikes.
What can they do for a sequel ? Maybe My Big Redneck Honeymoon. It’s a paycheck. You can warm up for the redneck wedding by tuning in to CMT’s latest effort to give 10 has-been “celebrities” another brief moment in the spotlight. Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling brings together “10 brave celebrities” (take the noun and adjective with a grain of salt ) who’ll train for “competitive” wrestling. I’m unclear how the series defines competitive. There will be a weekly elimination until the thing gets down to the final four which “will separate the man from the boys.” Hmm. Milking this exposure for all it’s worth are Danny Bonaduce, Todd Bridges, ButterBean, Trishelle Cannatella, Dustin Diamond, Erin Murphy, Dennis Rodman, Frank Stallone, Nikki Ziering and Tiffany. My money’s on Tiffany. She’s one tough broad. Don’t let that ’ 80 s bubble-gum pop image fool you. The lady’s 37 these days, is a mother and has appeared in Playboy. She’s a fighter. In case you don’t remember who the others are, they include (in order of the list ) abrasive former Partridge Family brat; Willis of “Whachutalkinbout, Willis ?”; corpulent former champion boxer; smokin’ hot reality-show veteran; Screech on Saved by the Bell; Tabitha on Bewitched (kids, ask your parents ); famously flamboyant basketball star once married to Carmen Electra for 10 days; Sly’s brother; former Playmate of the Year; and ex-wife of a star of Beverly Hills 90210. The TV column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. E-mail:
mstorey@arkansasonline. com
FEEDBACK:
Something to say about this topic? Submit a Letter to the Editor online
