THE TV COLUMN : Ellerbee special sad but inspiring
Posted on Sunday, July 6, 2008
URL: http://www.nwanews.com/adg/Style/230612/
The latest offering from Nick News With Linda Ellerbee will make some viewers profoundly sad. Proud, but sad.
The episode, “Coming Home: When Parents Return From War,” airs at 8 p. m. today on Nickelodeon. Its goal, according to Ellerbee, is to “honor the bravery and sacrifices of those men and women by honoring the bravery and sacrifices of their kids.”
It does that.
It’s also a vivid reminder that those sacrifices frequently rob children of something irreplaceable — their childhood. If you lose your one chance to grow up in a loving home where parents are safe and life is secure, you can’t get it back.
The half-hour special reminds us that by the end of July, 20, 000 U. S. troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan will have come home. Almost half — 43 percent — of all deployed U. S. troops are parents.
The program is poignant, depressing, inspiring and encouraging. The children are articulate and, for the most part, doing well in their attempts to cope with the absence of a parent.
Says one boy, “When my stepdad went to Iraq, half of my heart went with him.”
Another adds, “I don’t think anyone who has a family member deployed really feels comfortable until the plane hits the ground and they’re back.”
And a third, “It was great to see him come home and come through the door and be able to run up and give him a big hug.”
The program points out that when parents go to war, their kids must be as brave as any soldier. But when that soldier comes home, that’s just the beginning. What happens after the parent returns ?
Ellerbee notes, “Soldiers have expectations about what their kids are going to be like. Kids have expectations about what their soldier-parents are going to be like. And they’re all probably going to be wrong.”
The program vividly demonstrates that “the difference between expectation and reality means there are adjustments to be made. Some are easy. Some are not.”
War has a way of changing people. And it’s not just those who are directly involved. Life goes on back home. Children frequently have to assume parental roles. They have to grow up quickly. That process isn’t always smooth and life hardly ever returns to the way it was before.
According to Lt. Gen. William Caldwell, commander of the U. S. Army Combined Arms Center and Fort Leavenworth, “Some soldiers will have been so traumatized by their experiences in Iraq or Afghanistan that at first they’re going to be emotionally unable to connect with their families.”
“Coming Home” includes several heartbreaking, yet inspiring stories of children who have had to step up when their parents returned suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD ), or severe wounds.
In some cases, those parents will never be coming home.
One out of five returning soldiers has PTSD or is depressed, the program reports. Ellerbee gamely tries to put a positive spin on that figure by cheerfully noting that four out of five returnees are not afflicted.
However, there’s no glossing over the fact that a shocking 20 percent of those returning still have some serious psychological problems with which to deal.
One young girl, whose mother returned with PTSD, quietly laments, “My mom being in Iraq changed her. She just seems different. I wish she was just mommy again.”
Another child notes, “It’s not like he’s on a business trip and you know he’ll always come back. When he’s gone I feel guilty that I’m in this safe environment while he’s in this dangerous environment.”
One child of a returned soldier who lost a leg complains, “He would try to tell us things and give commands like we were a soldier under him, but we were just his kids.”
Most heartbreaking of all are the children whose parents have been killed. “Coming Home” talks with two such siblings whose father died in 2004.
One says, “I know my dad is in a better place, but I wish he was still here because when he died, a chunk of my heart was basically pulled out.”
His sister adds, “When the doorbell rings and there are three Marines, you automatically know they’re going to tell you your dad died. I think this experience makes me value life even more because it’s something that can be easily taken away, so knowing — having this experience — really shows you what’s important in life.”
The program ends by reminding us it is airing on Independence Day weekend and thanks all the soldiers and their families for their service and sacrifice. After all the hot dogs and hamburgers and fireworks and concerts, “Coming Home: When Parents Return From War” might be a good way to remind ourselves what it’s all about and say thank you, too. Exploring with Chuck. Nobody showcases our state better than Chuck Dovish. His Exploring Arkansas programs on AETN are little jewels of discovery and not to be missed. The next episode airs at 6: 30 p. m. Monday. Dovish will take us sailplane flying in Wynne, then lead us to the natural bridge at Alum Cove Recreation Area near Jasper and finish up with a dusty scenic ride on the Buffalo Gap Auto Tour through the Ouachita National Forest. Dovish has been at this for more than 30 years and maybe nobody knows more Natural State nooks and crannies than he does. Exploring Arkansas airs each Monday at 6: 30 p. m. and each Sunday at 4: 30 p. m. The TV column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. E-mail:
mstorey@arkansasonline. com