WHAT’S IN A DAME : Flattery is a girl’s best friend
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Women need food, water and compliments... and an occasional pair of shoes.
— Chris Rock I couldn’t agree more with the comedian, whose musings I caught during a recent rerun of his old 1999 special Bigger & Blacker. Although I’d maybe change the order a little bit. Women need compliments, food and shoes. And an occasional glass of water. True, a woman could only live maybe three days without hydrating. But, seriously, is three days without compliments even worth living ? (Food, you ask ? Hugely important. A very close second. But feeding of the ego always trumps feeding of the body. Besides, if the compliments are anything like, “You look thinner !” food becomes even less crucial to a woman craving more of those comments. ) Women always love hearing how competent, smart, nice, fun, funny, stylish, helpful we are. (But wait, what about pretty ? You do think we’re pretty, right ? Right ?)
At least most of us do. I have encountered members of that rare species of women who get flustered by positive attention — the ones who claim they don’t know how to take compliments. To them I say, “Then may I please have them ?” Besides, I’ve always suspected it’s all just an act meant to encourage additional compliments. (“ You are so modest, classy and gracious ! ” )
What’s behind this insatiable appetite for accolades ? Is it because we’re chronically insecure and needy ? No. (But would you tell me that I’m special anyway ?)
It’s not so much approval that we’re seeking, but rather affirmation of what we already believe. We know we’re kind of fabulous, we just want others to realize and verbalize it. Often. And loudly. Oh, and could you say that this color looks excellent on us and that we’re having a great hair day too while you’re at it ? Thanks.
Women know this about other women. We realize the best way we can help our sisters out — not to mention attract good compliment karma — is to throw them a few kind, random words.
It is for this reason that some of my favoritest people in the whole world are women I don’t really know who work in other parts of my office building. Maybe we don’t remember names, but we remember wardrobes, jewelry and makeup and will always coo over the smallest style change like we would a new baby. (Women also know the reverse is true. If there’s a female you want to punish for whatever reason, just don’t acknowledge, say, her new highlights at all and make her die a little inside. )
Men often don’t grasp our compliment needs and cues. When we ask them for their input on something, they think we actually want to hear what they think. When of course what we want to hear is what we think or at least what we want to think: We look like a million bucks. It’s perfect. We’re perfect.
I mean, don’t you agree ? I really want your opinion. You are so sweet and thoughtful to e-mail: jchristman@arkansasonline. com Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
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