THE TV COLUMN : Paula Abdul’s confusion topped Idol’s ‘strangest show’
Posted on Tuesday, May 6, 2008
You’d think after six-plus seasons as a judge on Fox’s American Idol, Paula Abdul would get it right.
The problem is, for whatever reason (we won’t go there ), the 45-year-old choreographer / singer isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Yeah. She’s one neuron short of a synapse. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
That’s unkind. I’m sure Paula is a sweet person, is kind to animals and loves her mother.
Since Paula is billed as the sympathetic and compassionate judge of the three, let’s just say the woman can’t think quickly on her feet — a handicap on live TV.
We had the most extreme example of Paula’s shortcoming last week on Idol when the judges’ commentary format was altered at the last minute. Instead of offering feedback after each song, they were asked to wait until after each of the five contestants had sung their second songs later in the show.
Paula, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell were to watch and take notes so they’d remember what to say about the first songs.
Then, halfway through the program, host Ryan Seacrest changed things again and asked the judges for brief critiques of the first five performances.
Another format change. Bad news for Paula.
Jackson zipped through his comments and the ball fell into Paula’s flustered lap. She shuffled. She hemmed and hawed. She fumbled notes and finally mumbled through a few comments about Jason Castro’s first song. Then she offered her critique about his second song, saying his usual charm was missing for her. It kind of left her empty. Wuh ? None of the contestants had sung a second song yet.
OH, OH, PAULA There was an awkward moment of bewilderment from everyone before Paula plowed ahead. Jason’s two songs, she opined, “made me feel like you’re not fighting hard enough to get into the top four.” Again, nobody had sung two songs. Danger, Will Robinson !! Jackson and Cowell went into scramble mode. Paula looked confused.
Barely coherent on the best of nights when her inarticulate comments occasionally don’t even form sentences, Paula finally realized what she was doing.
“Oh my god,” she squawked, “I thought you... I thought you sang twice !”
Pros that they are, Cowell and Seacrest hurried things along as an addled Paula tried to explain that she’d been looking ahead in her David Cook notes when it was perfectly clear she had not.
How do we know they weren’t notes about Cook ? When asked who won round 1, she beamed and said David Cook — hardly someone who had “left her empty.”
In interviews the next day Paula confessed she had seen part of the dress rehearsal and had made her notes on Castro’s second song from that. It was a conveniently plausible, if unlikely, excuse that opens other cans of worms.
At the end of the program, Cowell summed things up by quipping, “This was officially the strangest show we’ve ever done.”
Let’s look at this problem from another angle.
UNPREDICTABLE A PLUS American Idol has gotten so predictable that Paula’s state of coherence on any given night might just be the highlight of the evening.
Randy is going to equivocate. He’ll tell a contestant that parts of the performance were “pitchy for me, dawg,” although nobody ever knows what he means by pitchy. He’ll then either say it wasn’t their best performance or he’ll say it was the bomb (which is good ).
Paula is going to stumble and fumble and find something positive to say about each and every performer even if it’s just, “You look beautiful tonight.”
Scoring high praise from Paula is meaningless.
Simon, while looking immensely bored with the whole process, is going to be brutal — and accurate — in his criticism.
Meanwhile, the Idol popularity contest continues. Several talented singers have been eliminated and a couple of lesstalented performers remain because those phoning in their votes have chosen their favorites and overlook lackluster performances.
The live performance show, which airs at 7 p. m. today, is down to the final four. The longassumed final-two showdown should be between the Davids. That’s 25-year-old Missouri native David Cook and 17-year-old Utah native David Archuleta.
Cook is the better singer and an accomplished musician, but the cute-as-a-kitten Archuleta may have the most text-messaging teens and ’tweens voting for him.
If the winner is judged on ability alone, Cook should be our guy when the two-night season finale airs at 7 p. m. May 20 and May 21.
But American Idol is supposed to be about the total package.
That the show has become simply a popularity contest instead of a singing contest is one of the frequent criticisms. Chris Daughtry was the best singer in season five, but only placed fourth. Taylor Hicks won that year and hasn’t been heard from much since. He’s even been dropped by his record label.
Jennifer Hudson only managed seventh place in the third Idol season (Fantasia Barrino won ), but earned a Golden Globe and Academy Award in 2007 for Dreamgirls. Only twice has it worked out that the Idol winner was the most popular and the best singer. Kelly Clarkson was certainly all that for season one, and Carrie Underwood has proven herself worthy of winning season four (beating out struggling Southern rocker Bo Bice ). Underwood’s first album went seven-times platinum. She’s won three Grammys and is the toast of Nashville. Will the Idol popularity contest continue, or will sheer talent win out ? Hopefully it’s a combination. This week’s Idol results show airs live at 8 p. m. Wednesday. The TV column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. E-mail:
mstorey@arkansasonline. com
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