OTUS THE HEAD CAT : Government all set to step in with aid for big clock switch
Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2007
Dear Otus, I’ve started noticing all the public service announcements on TV and the radio featuring Crackle from the Kellogg Rice Krispies cereal. First of all, I haven’t a clue as to why the government picked a cartoon character to educate America about this coming change in daylight-saving time. Do they think we’re really that stupid ? Second, I haven’t the faintest idea what Crackle is supposed to be telling us. What with all his running around and goofy behavior, his message was completely lost on me. All I can figure is the “fall back” part of daylight-saving time is going to be different this fall. Is there any way you can break it down for those of us who don’t want to go to the bookstore and buy Daylight-Saving Time for Dummies ? I’ve got a hunch you’ll be doing a lot of people a favor. — Ian Tueishen
Star City Dear Ian,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and a pleasure to have the opportunity to explain what’s going down with this falling-back stuff.
First of all, to answer your initial questions.
Yes, the government truly believes you are that stupid. But it doesn’t judge you because that would not be the altruistic American way where all persons, no matter to what degree their stupidity, are welcomed into society on an equal basis.
Let’s just hope the really, really stupid ones don’t vote or reproduce.
Second, Crackle ! (note that the exclamation mark is part of his name ) is the obvious choice to be the spokes elf for the public service campaign.
Studies have shown that most citizens respond positively to animation and small things. That explains the popularity of the Keebler elves, Munchkins, Hobbits, garden gnomes, Michael J. Fox and Tom Cruise.
And Kellogg, being a caring and responsible corporate citizen, has donated the use of Crackle ! ’s image and voice to this $ 84 million public service campaign. No taxpayer money went to the cereal company.
Why pick Crackle ! over his brothers, Snap ! and Pop !?
A recent Tufts University telephone poll of 18, 500 homes found that 83 percent preferred the middle child to his two siblings. That’s within a plus or minus two percent accuracy rate.
Snap ! was seen as too dour and authoritarian. I suppose that comes with being the oldest. Pop ! is obviously too mischievous and clumsy. The youngster rarely takes things seriously. What clinched the job for Crackle !, however was the line
he sang in the famous Rice Krispies commercial from the 1950 s.
“You gotta have crackle or the clock’s not wound,” is how the line goes. That makes Crackle ! a natural for the confusing daylight saving switch this
year. Will it be confusing ? You bet. Change always is. A couple of years ago, President Bush signed the Energy Policy Act of 2005. That changed the dates when we “spring forward” and “fall back” beginning with this year. We sprang forward a week earlier, and we’ll fall back one week later — on the first Sunday in November. However, since there are an estimated 27 billion (that’s billion ) clocks in the United States, the government has broken down the falling-back ordeal into digital and analog. It is estimated that 2. 9 million man-hours of productivity would be lost if everyone stopped to reset his own clocks at 2 a. m. Nov. 4.
That is unacceptable in an age when we’re competing for business with the lowly paid drones from China and India.
To solve the problem, the government has arranged for a controlled rolling blackout to hit the nation’s power grids in a couple of weeks. It’ll affect each time zone from east to west. The five seconds without power will begin at precisely 12: 59: 55 a. m. Oct. 28. The blackouts will cause all digital timepieces to start to blink 12: 00.
When the power comes back on at 1 a. m., the clocks will read 12: 00 and will be effectively reset an hour earlier. Genius. Untold billions of dollars will have been saved. Old-fashioned analog clocks now make up only 18 percent of America’s time pieces. These will have to be reset by hand two weeks later on Nov. 4. There might be some small confusion during the two-week delay between the digital and the analog switch, but it’s a small price to pay for the money saved. Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that TV switches over to all-digital in 2009. Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of
humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail: mstorey@arkansasonline. com
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