WHAT’S IN A DAME : It’s really all about etiquette, not ethics
Posted on Tuesday, November 21, 2006
We of the Style section don’t get hot and bothered over stuff like ethics violations.
So when we learn that wedding registries of gifts for the outgoing governor of a state and the outgoing first lady appeared on www. target. com and www. dillards. com (without the couple actually getting hitched again, covenant-style or otherwise ), we don’t concern ourselves with the legalities.
We concern ourselves with the luxuries ! What kind of cotton in the towels ? What’s the brand of the cookware ? What’s the thread count of the sheets ?
Since much has already been made of the specific items listed on the two store registries (and readers can maybe still see them for themselves.... Well, at least the Target one. The Dillard’s online registry had disappeared as of the writing of this ), we shall move on to our next Style section wedding registry concern.
And that is the other kind of good taste. All ethics stuff aside, did Mike and Janet Huckabee follow proper wedding-registry etiquette ?
We turn to a few sources for guidance, including etiquette expert Peggy Post, whose advice appears on www. thewed dingchannel. com, wedding supersite www. theknot. com and of course Martha Stewart, whose qualifications include being Martha Stewart.
Couples should pick accessible stores, stresses Peggy Post. “It’s best to register in national department or specialty stores; stores that offer online wedding registries. Such registries are especially convenient for outof-town guests and others who prefer the ease of ordering gifts online. However, when you register online, make sure the stores you choose offer a “ brick and mortar” option. Score two points for the Huckabees, as both stores have a significant store and online presence.
But wait, two stores, is that the right number ? Post says: “There’s no ‘correct’ number of stores to register, nor is there such a thing as creating too many or too few registries.” So the Huckabees neither get nor lose a point there.
On the subject of how many gifts a couple registers for, the Wedding Registry 101 at www. marthastewart. com tells couples, “Register for more gifts than you have guests, so there will be plenty of items to choose from.” Well, as there isn’t a wedding, there are zero guests. So clearly they did register for more gifts than guests. Score another point for the Huckabees.
Post also emphasizes the importance of including gifts with price tags small and big: “Because your guests may have a wide range of budgets, it’s important to register for items in a variety of price ranges.” Score a point for the Huckabees. The Target registry includes everything from $ 1. 99 napkin holders to a $ 249. 99 nonstick cookware set.
What’s the proper way to inform people of your registry ? From a www. theknot. com article called “Registering 26 Tips”: “Unfortunately, it’s not appropriate for the bride or groom to ask for wedding gifts, so you have to be careful with how you let people know where you’re registered. Never include registry information with your wedding invitations — word of mouth is the appropriate way to disseminate this information.” Again, there was no wedding invitation, so there is no way they could have breached this rule. And as for word of mouth of this registry, well the media pretty much took care of that. Score another point for the Huckabees.
So it seems the Huckabees might not have violated wedding registry etiquette for their nonwedding. Well, as long as they remember to express their gratitude in writing.
According to www. thek not. com: “Thank-you notes for gifts received before the wedding should be sent within two weeks of arrival. Notes for gifts received on or after the wedding day should be sent within a month of your return from the honeymoon.” And technically they don’t have to write thank-you notes, either. If there is no wedding, there is no honeymoon. Give the gift of e-mail: jchristman@arkansasonline. com What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ’hood.
FEEDBACK:
Something to say about this topic? Submit a Letter to the Editor online
